I’m not a negative dude, but honestly February was a tough slog. And it wasn’t because anything dramatic happened. It’s just the time when all my motivation seemed to run out, and the big goals and dreams of January started to feel heavy and impossible.
It’s a pretty classic February feeling, and I’m sure I’m not alone.
But it does really bother me.
I know it’s just a winter thing. Everyone feels this way.
But I’m sick of justifications, and I’m sick of excuses.
If there’s one thing that I know for sure it’s that waiting for habits and patterns to change doesn’t do anything.
I stumbled across one of my favourite quotes in the world today:
“The world is not a lodging-house at Brighton, which we are to leave because it is miserable. It is the fortress of our family, with the flag flying on the turret, and the more miserable it is, the less we should leave it… the point is that when you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more… What we need… some way in which we can heartily hate and heartily love it… we want a fiercer delight and fiercer discontent… can (an ordinary) man hate it enough to change it, and yet love it enough to think it worth changing?“
A fiercer delight and a fiercer discontent.
What amazing language.
You may know that feeling. I know it well. Fierce discontent. And as uncomfortable as it is, I love that feeling, because it drives me.
I’m not interested in changing my life because I hate it. I love my life, and the discontent that drives me is because of that.
That’s why months like this February drive me up the freaking wall, not because it was tough, but because I know that I didn’t try hard enough. I slid back into being comfortable instead of embracing that fierce discontent.
There’s a big part of me that wants to power past it and not dwell on the month. But that part of me is wrong.
As frustrated as it makes me, there’s no point in beating myself up about it. It was a sloggy month. I watched a lot of Friends, and Raising Hope (which just delights me).
Just like how it’s easy to complain about how ‘poor’ I am, while completely ignoring how privileged my life is…. It’s easy to want to skip over a month in which I feel like I didn’t accomplish much. A month that was full of so many moments I am profoundly grateful for.
So let’s break down my ‘net worth’ in February.
February “Net Worth”
How does this whole Net Worth thing work?
Instead of doing a monthly round up of how much money I’ve lost or gained, I’ve decided to take a more holistic approach. To me, personal finance isn’t just about the dollars, it’s about all of your resources and whether you’re focusing them all towards achieving the life you want.
So in 2015, my Net Worth is all about how I’m doing, no on the path towards wealth accumulation, but on the path towards the life I want.
I’m using an exercise in which I choose 5 ‘values’ to focus my energy towards. The idea is that if I can just marshal all my resources (time, talent, and sweet sweet bucks) towards these 5 values I’ll be living a pretty wonderful life.
If that doesn’t really make sense or you’d like to learn a bit more, check out these articles…
Security:
I’m rolling into the third month of my dry spell and it’s not the most fun. As much as I know that’s what they’re for, watching buffers tick down reverses the stress-melting-away-process that started when I was building up those buffers in the first place.
I feel like a brand new start up business. There’s a ton of investment, time and money flying out the door and a desperate hope that the foundation that I’m building now is going to pay off in the future.
March Goal: Focus. This month is all about embracing the start-up feel, and solidifying my plan. I’m big on plans right now. So the goal for the month is to finish a rough draft of the ole business plan and start working smarter.
Experiences:
It hasn’t all been Netflix and falling asleep at 10:30. February has included the following notable experiences
1. Grown-up Sledding
– It’s free, it’s fun, it’s out of control. My roommate and I took out the ramshackle sleds, and managed to absolutely destroy them in an hour of hardcore sledding. He walked away with what must have been a bruised tailbone. I walked away with no regrets.
2. Busting out of El-Toro
– I took a trip down to see my girlfriend in New Haven and then New York. It was great to get out of the city, even better to spend some time with her… and the cherry on top of the delightful Sundae was spending time with one of my best friends who was in New York for the first time. We watched the NBA all-star game (from a bar next to MSG… #glamorouslife), walked through neighbourhoods for days, and ate delicious cookies from Schmackary’s (it’s a really good thing I live a country away from that place).
3. A plethora of Food Memories
– A trip to New Haven is always a joy. They have awesome food there. Even with the exchange rate being the worst thing ever… it’s so worth it.
– There was also a particularly tasty Cubano somewhere in New York that I will forever think of fondly
March Goal: I’m back to New York in a week to see my girlfriend debut at the Met. I’m pretty freaking excited. This isn’t really a goal… just something that’s happening, but if it counts as a new experience, and if it’s the only one I have… I won’t be complaining.
Relationships:
This year continues to be one of expanding relationships. I’ve always been a fairly private person, not so much for the social media or responding to texts and phone calls. But this strange love of blogging that I’ve developed has helped me put myself out there a little more, and it’s amazing how rewarding that’s been.
I love how often over the last two months people have sent me notes, emails and texts. We’ve chatted online, and over coffee; some were strangers, and some people that I only knew in passing. Sometimes we talked about money, sometimes not so much, but rest assured I appreciated it all.
March Goal: I’m rolling over my February goal. I didn’t have the chance to pay back the karma that I reaped the benefits of in January. I hope to have a few people over to the house for some kind of slow cooked, bean based meal (I know… I’ll be turning them away at the door!!!!)
Learning:
This is one where the month cuts a little deep.
I really like to learn new things, and I just felt like my curiosity was dead this month.
I did learn that without deadlines things don’t really get done. I managed to avoid scheduling my exam in the month of February and the lack of a set deadline made studying seem impossible… causing me to put of my exam even further.
Stupid.
It’s scheduled now. For this Friday. I am sufficiently nervous. I have not written a grown-up multiple choice style of exam since roundly flunking my first physical anthropology test (and dropping the class the next day).
March Goal: To kill my CSC exam on Friday, and dive into the second half of the course with abandon. I’ve made myself a ridiculous and probably unachievable course schedule for the next 6 months, and I’m really curious if I can come close to following it.
Health:
On the pro side, my dental war continues. I’ve completed the root canals (knock on all the wood) and started in on the fillings. Last week we did 8… and that was just on the upper left side. Still lots more to do, but on the extreme plus side, all this time I’m spending at the dentist’s is FINALLY wearing down my lifelong fear. The team I work with there is incredible, I’m having pain free dental procedures for the first time in my life, and I am so grateful.
On the you’re-a-lazy-butt side… I managed to avoid going to the gym the entire month. Which is pretty impressive.
I have, on the other hand, spent a fair amount of time sitting on the couch rationally discussing with myself how much better I would feel if I just went… and yet… nada.
And somewhere in the creamy middle, I have been eating better. After January’s ‘eat cheap’ budget fail, I’ve been trying to find ways to eat cheap, but a lot better. Hopefully I’ll be spinning out some of those life lessons onto the blog soon.
March Goal: Go to the gym you lazy butt. And bike so much more. I brought my bike into the shop this last week, and it’s a joy to ride it again. Time to start de-lumping.
So that was February. Even though I’m glad it’s over, I do feel like it added worth to my life.
But enough to rehashing! On to March town!!! Which is going to be great. Here on the blog we’re gonna be doing some get to know you games (but with your finances!!!), talking tax some more (because I’m still not close to done… ), budgets, business plans and so much more!
Keep the notes, comments and questions coming, and have a totally awesome March.
