In the personal finance sphere it seems like there’s no greater fate than being broke. NO MONEY??? That must be absolutely terrible, you must be doing everything wrong.
The thing is, having no money doesn’t mean you’re broken. In fact there are lots of people who don’t mind living with no money (and some of them are even… gasp… happy).
On the other hand, broke can also be a really shitty place to be. The stress, the sense of shame (whether it’s deserved or not), the desperation.
But that feeling is shitty not necessarily because you don’t have any money, it’s because you don’t have enough money to do what ever it is you want to do.
Recently, a friend posted a video of a guy who swore he had hit rock bottom. Things had gotten so low that he had to buy a Ford Focus.
Yikes.
It’s fun to mock him for his definition of broke, but the truth is: he didn’t have nearly enough to do what he wanted, to have the life that he felt he should be living, so he felt miserable.
That’s what broke is all about. And now that we’ve put our finger on what it is, let’s all agree that it super sucks.
Desperation isn’t a great colour on me…
Whenever I go through a period of ‘not enough’ my first stopover is desperate town.
“I just need more money! Why won’t someone give me a job? Why isn’t my work valued? Why is everyone else so stupid? Why am I so stupid?”
Desperation may not be my favourite thing, but guys… I’m really good at it.
And man does it feel like I’m doing something. I’m raving, and stressing, and thinking about it all the time. Clearly that’s all I can do. Plus, it has the added bonus of being really attractive to potential employers. Ask anyone! They’ll tell you how attractive a quality desperation is in an artist (and it always helps me do my best work). #sarcasm
In all of my frequent visits to desperation town, I’ve only ever found one way to get out…
Take a ride on the Self-care Express
Tad Hargrave (a self-diagnosed hippy, marketing expert, and part-time magician) wrote in great piece: 15 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU’RE TIRED OF BEING BROKE. In it his number one suggestion is:
“When you’re in a financial crisis, it’s easy to cut your self-care out, but it’s actually the most important thing to boost.”
Self-care can feel like a really hokey response to not having enough. I should be working harder not ‘wasting my time’ at the gym, or with friends, or just walking away from it all and taking a bath.
Those things are for people whose lives aren’t falling apart.
“I’m too poor for fun.”
But the truth of it is, once desperation has taken hold, I’m not in any shape to do anything.
The first step to digging myself out of being broke is to realize that I’m not broken. I’m not powerless. If I don’t like where I’m at I can change it.
And to do that I have to get strong. I need to get centred.
I don’t know about you, but my creativity shuts down when I’m really stressed. And that’s one of the biggest tools I need in order to figure out a solution to my broke problem.
So… I take a step back. Go for a run. Do some yoga. Eat a sandwich, eat another sandwich. Take a bath….
I love the self-care express!
Don’t let your ticket out become your new reality
The bath is a lovely place to be, but at some point you need to get the eff out of the tub.
Sarah Harvey, in her piece called “Self-care and courage: face yourself and get sh*t done” says it best:
“Advice like: Take a long walk. Get your nails done. Have a piece of dark chocolate. Take time for yourself. Dream.
Okay, honestly, that all sounds lovely—I only ever want to do those things. But right now, I don’t need to get my nails done, I need to take control of my life. I need to face the procrastination and disorganization that have been fucking me up for a long time.” – Sarah Harvey
That’s awesome, and it’s also feels like it’s written directly for me. Because once I convince myself that I need to stop and take a break, it can become my excuse for not getting going again.
Yes, I need to take some time for myself. Yes, I need to refocus, and get my emotional/physical/creative strength back.
And then I need to get shit done.
Taking the train only works if you get off in Action Town! Strengthening yourself for the fight is only worthwhile if you actually fight. Otherwise it just becomes another trap, another distraction.
“Because self-care isn’t only about slipping away into luscious lavender scented fantasies—it’s also about learning to be with ourselves in the tough moments. The brutal moments. The uncomfortable moments.
It’s about being in real life. And being real enough to know what we truly need.
And sometimes, that means calling ourselves out on our bullshit. Or asking for help. Two of my (not so) favorite things. But both are so necessary.” – Sarah Harvey
Going for un-broke
It sucks to have big dreams and not enough to do them. It sucks to feel like you’re floundering in the life you’ve chosen. And all of us get to a place sometimes where we couldn’t possibly absorb one more piece of ‘helpful’ advice without wanting to cut someone.
It feels like you’re broken. That you’re completely stuck.
Stop.
What do you really need? Do you need to take care of yourself a little? Eat a sandwich? Take a walk? Or do you need a hardy dose of tough love? Do you need help?
The answer to that question is the place to start.
LOOKING FOR PRACTICAL WAYS TO SOLVE YOUR BROKE PROBLEM? CHECK OUT THESE 15 PRACTICAL TIPS OR MY (MOST LIKELY WILDLY UNSATISFYING) GUIDE TO SOLVING YOUR BROKE PROBLEM.
