One of the reasons I’m passionate about making a home for artists in the finance world is because there is a real need for diversity of thought in money conversations.

We need more ways to tell the story of money. We need people who don’t think in spreadsheets, who aren’t only optimizing for wealth maximization.

The financial world needs writers, painters, dancers and actors.

These two worlds have so much to learn from each other. Yes, there is so much for the creative world to learn from the financial, but it goes both ways.

In the early days my tomato grew up. This is the way things should be. I was pleased.

But after returning from some time away I found it had made a choice to grow sideways. Straight sideways. Right into the middle of a bush.

I was less pleased. But I also have never felt closer to the decision making process of a plant.

From a bird’s eye (read: person’s eye) view, it’s often clear what good decision making is. Up is good. Up is structurally sound. Up is where the sun is.

But when we’re the one making the decision it’s never that clear. There is always uncertainty. I don’t know what that tomato was thinking, but I’m sure it made sense at the time.

These days, decision are hard. It’s impossible to know what’s coming and what the “right choice” is. I’m sure I’m making lots of sideways decisions.

I take comfort (sometimes) in reminding myself that all I can do is make the best choice I can with the information and emotional resources I currently have. It might mean having to fix things later. It might mean a real set back in metaphorical fruit production.

But it’s all that can be done.

It’s been a long year, and I have not been the best at taking care of myself.

I don’t really remember the last time I worked out, and I’m eating a lot of ice cream.

The first thing I noticed was a loss of strength. Before the extra bits started to gather around my ribs, my muscles began to lose their power.

I think that’s also how many of our financial lives may feel.

For those of us who started this pandemic with some assets to draw on, as things progress… we’re watching those accounts atrophy. And with it, not just a number, but also a strength.

Having buffers has been a game changer in my money. By having money set aside I’m able to do things that I never thought of doing before, and it’s not just about being able to buy things.

The strength that I have appreciated in this hard time is the ability to wait. To be patient with my business as it grows. To be experimental, to try things that I’m not sure will work out (without worrying that I’m compromising my ability to eat next month).

And that spins off into two thoughts:

1. The privilege of a safety net or base amount of cash is a huge leg up, especially for those of us who are self-employed and have variable income. It allows so much more ability to ‘play the long game’ and be patient. It allows us to be bold. It allows us to not fear that one mistake will necessitate major life changes.   

2. Building that buffer is a priority, no matter what you’re trying to do. It’s really hard to pay off debt, save for a big thing, build a home or business while playing jump rope with zero.

I doubt many of us will feel strong for quite some time.

I know that building a buffer probably seems impossible to lots of people at the moment. It may not be a goal for right now, but when … some day in the future.. you have capacity to think about, it’s a very good step one. It’s what can make you feel strong again (or maybe even for the first time).

Don’t forget that ‘a business’ doesn’t have to be a goal in itself, neither does ‘a living’ or ‘a wage’.

I’ve been trapped lately, being gravity-welled into general goals that don’t quite fit. They’re close… but close is far more dangerous than way off. It’s harder to recognize. It’s easier to think “it’s just today that feels off, I’m sure everything is fine”.

I’ve been ‘building a business’ for years, but the business doesn’t really matter to me.

To me, a business, is just another tool. Like money.

A business is the way that I can deliver kindness and support. A business is a way that I can support other things in my life.

Remembering that is helpful for me.

Remembering that means that I don’t get too stuck on questions like .. how do I grow my business?

And it means that I spend more time thinking about, what am I trying to do again? Is a business the best way to do that? What kind of business or structure would deliver that better?

How many times do I have to learn that the tool follows the intention. every. damn. time.

That’s a phrase that floated through my newsfeed and I haven’t been able to shake it since.

The point was, as we reopen things, that the conversation we’re having is not about purpose or non-essential vs essential… it’s about consumption.

In a way, I can’t argue with that. So many of the choices being made right now seem to come from a need to return corporate profits to pre-COVID levels.

But on a micro level there are also people’s lives that are built on that consumption. People’s wages and individual purposes.

It is again, much more complicated than it seems.

We can stuff money in our ears and ignore it. It can be an excuse for not changing, for not having to change, for standing aside or apart.

It can ignite. Pour it on the fire of passion and progress. It can provide the tools for those fighting, or equip yourself for the same purpose.

It can be a distraction. A shiny bauble taking the focus off the fundamental work that needs to be done. The tool can become the thing. The money is not the thing, it is a tool, a symbol.

We can use money to participate, to protect, to provoke, to pretend that there is nothing we can do, or perhaps to actively prevent the inevitable change.

But let’s not forget that we are not powerless. We are making a choice.

Change happens, often radically, and our money is a part of that.